So, as a farewell to summer gesture, I took the girls to get their first pedicure today. And by pedicure, I mean a quick file and paint job, with a flower of course :) They were SO excited. It was fun, but their patience definitely waned as I was getting a real pedicure and mine took a little longer. The woman sitting next to me was laughing so hard at all the funny things they say, it reminded me to transfer some of their “Avery-” and “Ainsley-isms” to my blog because, otherwise, they might be lost forever. I am pretty good at writing them down, but don’t really have a good catchall for keeping them long term. So I thought – a blog post of some recent ones might be a good idea.

Here’s a photo of their freshly painted nails, and following that, a list of -isms I’ve written down over the last several months and their dates. I love and cherish these funny little things they say!

From today, August 3rd, 2011:
Avery: “Mom, who invented craziness?”
Me: “I’m not sure what you mean…”
Avery: “I mean, like… who do you think was the first person to ever dance around with a bra on their head?”

July 27, 2011:
Avery: “Mom, why do you always do that sexy whistle when you see that man [Bradley Cooper]?”
Me: “Because I think he’s handsome and he’s my secret boyfriend.”
Avery: “But Mom, he doesn’t even KNOW who you ARE.”

July 25th, 2011:
Me: “Ainsley, it looks like your forehead is peeling.”
Ainsley: “Yeah, I think I’m growing into my adult skin.”

July 22nd, 2011:
(Pointing to the sign inside the family restroom at Target)
Avery: “Mom, this sign in the bathroom says ‘duty.’ Heh heh heh.”

July 20th, 2011:
Ainsley: “Mom, if I find my true love, but he doesn’t kiss me by sunset on the third day, what will I turn into?”
Me: “A man-hating feminist?”

July 13th, 2011:
(Upon seeing Hillary Clinton on TV)
Avery: “Mom! That lady looks just like you!”
Me: “We’re getting your eyes checked.”

July 5th, 2011:
Ainsley: “Mom, why do you say that I ‘pooped you out’ when you’re tired?”
Me: “Well, because… it just means that I’m tired.”
Ainsley: “Well Mom, then just say ‘I’m tired,’ because I never pooped you out and I never want to.”

July 1st, 2011:
Avery: “Mom, why do men take SO long in the bathroom? Is it because there are a lot of pages of the newspaper to read?”

June 27th, 2011:
(Sitting on the beach at El Capitan, along with many fellow campers, watching the girls dig for sandcrabs)
Ainsley: “I’ve got crabs! Mom, I’ve got crabs!”
Me and Fellow Campers: ROARING LAUGHTER

June 25th, 2011:
(Camping at El Capitan)
Ainsley: “Mom, why do little kids always have to go to bed earlier than the adults?”
Me: “Because little kids are small and need more sleep than adults.”
Ainsley: “Well Mom, little kids are also very curious and want to know what adults do when the little kids go to bed at night.”

June 21st, 2011:
Ainsley: “Avery, will you tell me about Kindergarten?”
Avery: “Well, the only thing I remember is that there is a red button on the wall, but don’t press it, because it will make the fire alarm go off.”
Ainsley: “That’s ALL you remember?”

June 8th, 2011:
Avery: “Mom, when I was a tiny baby, did you ever kiss my butt?”
Me: “Yes — it was so cute and smoochy.”
Avery: “Well, Mom, do you think you could still do that to me sometimes?”

June 8th, 2011:
Ainsley: “Mom, I only know of two famous singers in the world… Lady Gaga and ME!”

June 1st, 2011:
Avery: “Mom, when I’m really old, like 49 or something, do you think I’ll sometimes forget where I put my teeth?”

May 24th, 2011:
(Upon me making healthy(ish) nachos for the girls for dinner)
Ainsley: “It’s like my dream come true – FINGER FOOD!”

May 20th, 2011:
Avery: “Mom, what are ‘crapnuggets’?”
Me: (supressing laughter) “There is no such thing, but I guess maybe it could be a bad word.”
Avery: “Well, then am I in trouble because I just said it to you?”

April 30th, 2011:
(Upon opening a new package each of underwear and laying them all out in a row on the living room floor)
Ainsley and Avery: “Mom, come see our Panty Parade!”

April 15th, 2011:
(Upon begging me to pretend to be a cat with them and meow and purr)
Avery: “Mom, you have to meow more.”
Me: “Meow, meow,” then pretended to cough up a hairball and writhe around in pain, gagging…
Avery: “Maybe you should just stay a human, Mom.”
Ainsley: “Yeah, you’re not very good at this.”

April 5th, 2011:
(Upon waking up to the sound of Ainsley butchering the Pledge of Allegiance while sitting on the pot)
Ainsley: “Mom, what is ‘Liver Tea’ anyway? You know, ‘Liver Tea’ for all?”

April 2nd, 2011:
Ainsley: “Mom, sometimes I shoot a booger out of my nose when I giggle because… that’s just how life works.”

March 22nd, 2011:
Ainsley: “Mom, your lotion smells good. What does it smell like?”
Me: “Flowers.”
Ainsley: “Oh, I thought you were going to say ‘Princess.'”

February 14th, 2011:
(Upon the FedEx man delivering roses to me on Valentine’s Day)
Avery (with exasperation in her voice): “Mom, why did the FedEx man bring you ROSES? You don’t even know his name!”

My favorite of all time:
Ainsley: “Mom, do they make boy cheese sandwiches at Panera?”
Me: “Boy Cheese? What do you mean by ‘boy cheese’ sandwiches?”
Ainsley: “Well, Mom, you always make me GIRL cheese sandwiches, and I just wondered if they make BOY cheese sandwiches too.”

Okay…. I could go on and on, but I’m going to have to cut it off there :) I LOVE them so much!